Theres Something Funny About That Sop Sign

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Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.

Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!

Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!

Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!

Grampa: I'm part of the mob!

Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!

Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.

[he and the mobsters walk off with the body]

Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.

Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

NSA Worker: Hey everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!

Russ Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.

President Schwarzenegger: Ja. That is me.

Russ Cargill: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.

President Schwarzenegger: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.

Russ Cargill: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.

[holds up cage with the mutant squirrel]

President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!

Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.

[spreads the files on the President's desk]

Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...

President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!

Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?

President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

Bart Simpson: [on the blackboard, in the open sequence] I will not illegally download this movie.

Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!

[Bart puts a black bra on his head]

Bart Simpson: [in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!

Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.

Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.

Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...

Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

Milhouse: Hey, I am very passionate about the planet.

Nelson: [raises his fist] Say global warming is a myth!

Milhouse: [cowering] It's a myth! Further study is needed!

Nelson: [punches Milhouse] That's for selling out your beliefs!

Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] Honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to...

[looks up in surprise]

Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?

[cuts to Homer holding a pig to the ceiling]

Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / He's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!

[Bart claps]

Lisa Simpson: What are you doing, Bart?

Bart Simpson: Eh, just passing the time.

[Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer]

Homer Simpson: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?

Lisa Simpson: But Dad!

Homer Simpson: [sternly] Clap for Alaska!

[Lisa claps along with Bart]

Homer Simpson: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]

Russ Cargill: I want ten thousand tough guys, and I want ten thousand soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher.

[about the Itchy and Scratchy movie in the cinema hall]

Homer Simpson: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you!

[points to us]

Russ Cargill: [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]

Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.

Homer Simpson: So, we meet at last, whoever you are.

Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.

Bart Simpson: Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!

Russ Cargill: What treasure?

Bart Simpson: Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.

Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener?

[Homer and Bart laugh]

Homer Simpson: Classic!

Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.

[Cargill aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]

Homer Simpson: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!

[Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]

[Homer is whipping the dogs pulling his sled]

Homer Simpson: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!

Homer Simpson: [the dogs jump over a cliff] Jump! Jump!

Homer Simpson: [the dogs land on the other side] Land! Land!

Homer Simpson: [still whipping the dogs as they take a breather] Rest! Rest!

Homer Simpson: [the dogs pull the sled again] Run! Run!

Homer Simpson: [Homer sets up camp and begins removing the dog muzzles] Okay, I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put that all behind us and...

Homer Simpson: [the dogs start attacking Homer, causing him to scream in pain] AGH! Not my whipping arm!

Homer Simpson: [the dogs leave Homer stranded] Why does everything I whip leave me?

Homer Simpson: Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?

Marge Simpson: Actually, it's aged me horribly.

Homer Simpson: Listen to me! All of you! We are staying! We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!

Ned Flanders: The Good Lord is telling me to confess to something...

Homer Simpson: [whispering hopefully, with his fingers crossed] Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay...

[Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day sings "da-da-da" to the final part of the Simpsons tune, following his teleprompter]

Billie Joe Armstrong: Alright, well thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours, now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.

[there is a deathly silence, followed by huge boos from the Springfieldians. They start throwing things at Green Day]

Barney Gumble: Preachy!

Billie Joe Armstrong: We're not being preachy!

Tre Cool: But the pollution in your lake - it's dissolving our barge!

[Moe is sitting in a deck chair. Lisa is standing next to him]

Lisa Simpson: I thought they touched on a vital issue.

Moe: I beg to differ.

[He throws a rock at the stage, which penetrates the bass drum and hits Frank in the crotch]

Tre Cool: Oh.

Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honour playing with you tonight.

[Green Day put down their instruments and bring out violins as the barge sinks. Lisa looks on woefully]

Robot: Red wire, blue wire, black is usually the ground...

[begins shaking]

Robot: ... ahhh, so much pressure... PRESSURE!

[grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and shoots itself in the head]

Chief Wiggum: He was talking about it, but I never took him seriously.

[to the angry mob, as Homer tries to escape through the sinkhole]

Moe: The top of his head is still showing! Claw at it!

Lisa Simpson: This town is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!

[everyone spits out their water in disgust]

Moe: See, this is why we should hate kids!

Bart Simpson: Look what I did to *your* picture!

[Bart holds up a picture of Homer, on which he has drawn Flanders-style hair, glasses and a mustache]

Homer Simpson: [screams]

Bart Simpson: Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily!

Homer Simpson: Why you little...!

[Homer begins strangling Bart]

Homer Simpson: I'll strangle-angle you!

Toll Booth Man: Welcome to Alaska. Here's a thousand dollars.

Homer Simpson: Well, it's about time! But why?

Toll Booth Man: We pay every resident a thousand dollars to allow the oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.

Homer Simpson: [hugs toll booth man] I'm home!

Homer Simpson: All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger... and back... *naked*.

Bart Simpson: How naked?

Homer Simpson: Fourth base.

Bart Simpson: But girls might see my doodle.

Homer Simpson: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you "chicken for life". Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning chicken!" At your wedding, I'll sing...

Homer Simpson: [clucks the wedding march] Buck-buck-bu-buck!

EPA Official: S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power...

Russ Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!

Homer Simpson: [Pig nudges the plank the Simpsons are using to escape] No, Plopper. If you push that, daddy will die.

Pig: [looks at Homer and pushes plank] Oink.

Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!

Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

Homer Simpson: That could be anybody's Pig Crap silo.

[on TV, the cops rotate the silo to reveal "Return to Homer Simpson - No Reward"]

Ned Flanders: Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.

Bart Simpson: But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.

Ned Flanders: I'm sure your father would do the same for...

[Bart just stares at him]

Ned Flanders: Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.

Homer Simpson: A lot of people worked hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names.

Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.

Chief Wiggum: [after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.

Montgomery Burns: [during credits] Smithers... I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

Professor Frink: People, people, I have a very important announcement! I have invented an acid-firing super drill that can cut through anything. It's right there, just out... side the dome.

Comic Book Guy: I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books... and now there's only time to say... LIFE WELL SPENT!

[in the middle of the movie]

Title Card: To be continued.

[pause]

Title Card: Immediately.

Tom Hanks: [voiceover in TV ad] Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?

TV Dad: [bored] Here we are kids. The Grand Canyon.

TV Daughter: Oh, it's so old and boring! I want a new one, *now!*

Tom Hanks: [appears from behind bush] Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it's borrowing some of mine.

TV Son: Tussle my hair, Mr. Hanks!

Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son.

[laughs as he does so. Stars come out of the boy's hair. He then smiles in wonder]

Tom Hanks: Now, I'm pleased to tell you about the new Grand Canyon.

[shot changes to that of a smouldering crater]

Tom Hanks: Coming this weekend! It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City.

Marge Simpson: [watching ad] That's where Springfield is!

Tom Hanks: It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

Chief Wiggum: [shouting at a naked Bart] Stop, in the name of American squeamishness!

Grampa: [as Springfield is being sealed in the dome] That crazy old man in church was right!

Russ Cargill: Your government has realized that sealing you under this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we are commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle

[crowd cheers]

Russ Cargill: ... which involves killing you all.

Montgomery Burns: So, you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once, the rich, white man is in control. I have two buttons behind my desk. One will provide your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

Dr. Hibbert: The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.

Montgomery Burns: [writing down] Lives... lost. Go on.

Chief Wiggum: We have a convict we're gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.

Montgomery Burns: Tempting, tempting...

Apu: Look, all of our reasons mean nothing. Just look inside your heart and you will find the answer.

[Smithers waves frantically and shakes his head no; cut to outside of mansion as screaming and barking is heard inside]

Apu: Aaah!

Montgomery Burns: First door on the right.

Apu: Thank you.

Dr. Hibbert,Chief Wiggum,Apu: [as they run out chased by dogs] Aaah!

Chief Wiggum: Alright, men. Open fire!

[Cops shoot at dome; the bullets ricochet and hit them]

Chief Wiggum: Who's hurt? Raise your hand.

[Cops raise their hands moaning]

Chief Wiggum: Without the attitude.

Homer Simpson: Okay, epiphany, epiphany... oh I know! Bananas are an excellent source of potassium!

[gets slapped]

Homer Simpson: Ow! Uh, America will never embrace soccer.

[gets slapped]

Homer Simpson: More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself?

Homer Simpson: [flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

[Bart is skateboarding naked across town]

Ralph Wiggum: [brightly] I like men now.

Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.

Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.

[Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]

Lenny: No offense there, Carl.

Carl: I get it all the time.

Moe: What are you telling us, we're trapped like rats?

Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.

Mayor Quimby: To make sure this wall is completely idiot-proof... Cletus!

Cletus: Yes'um?

Mayor Quimby: Try to dump something in the lake.

Cletus: Okay.

[tries to go to the lake to dump a possum but keeps hitting the wall]

Cletus: I can't. I - I simply can't.

Lisa Simpson: [Lisa and Colin are pressing their hands against the glass] I never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this...

Bart Simpson: [sing-song] Lisa's got a boyfriend / That she'll never see again!

[Lisa cold-cocks Bart]

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [during the end credits, mopping up the theater floor] Assistant Manager isn't all it's cracked up to be. Four years of film school for this?

Agnes Skinner: [pointing to Bart who skateboards past naked] Don't look where I'm pointing!

[the police have just found Homer's pig crap silo, which is marked "Return to Homer Simpson"]

Kent Brockman: Now, Channel 6 does not endorse vigilante violence. Unless it gets results... which it *will*.

[a picture of Homer appears in the upper-right hand corner]

News Text: [flashing] GET HIM!

EPA Passenger: There's something strange about that 'Sop' sign...

Marge Simpson: Homer, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me."

Homer Simpson: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Ralph Wiggum: [blowing bubbles at the dome] Take that!

[one of the bubbles pops in his eye]

Ralph Wiggum: Oh, no! Blow back!

[car tyres screech to a halt outside. The Simpsons' silhouettes as the family make their way to the church door. Their conversation can also be heard]

Marge Simpson: I hate being late!

Homer Simpson: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my death bed.

Marge Simpson: Homer, they can hear you inside!

Homer Simpson: Relax! Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phoney-baloney God!

[the family enter the church to total silence and angry looks. They make their way to their pew]

Homer Simpson: How ya doin'? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.

Homer Simpson: [while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!

Homer Simpson: Stay back, I've got a chain saw!

[fakes chainsaw sounds vocally]

Ticker: Watch 'Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity?' on FOX. That's right, we even advertise our shows during movies now.

Homer Simpson: [noticing a glow] Uh, what's that ominous glow in the distance?

Angry Mob: [wielding torches] Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...

Homer Simpson: [looking out the window] Marge, look! Those idiots don't even know where we *live*!

Angry Mob: [looking round, seeing Homer] Kill, kill, kill, kill...

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Marge Simpson: Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, "Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art."

Homer Simpson: Way back.

Marge Simpson: Lately, what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because...

Homer Simpson: Because?

Marge Simpson: Well, that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I'm leaving with the kids to help Springfield, and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end... I taped this over our wedding video. Good-bye, Homie.

Grampa: Homer? What are you doing now?

Homer Simpson: Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go!

Panicky Man: [as the dome is being lowered] Oh, what do I do? I don't know what to do! 'Cause if I stay I'm trapped. If I leave I'm alone. Oh God. In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice!

[is crushed by edge of dome]

Marge Simpson: [grimacing at the overflowing 'Pig Crap' silo] He filled up the whole silo in just two days?

Homer Simpson: [proudly] Well, I helped.

Homer Simpson: Marge!

[runs to her, hits head in tree branch]

Homer Simpson: It's the epiphitree! I tried my best, what am I supposed to do?

[wind blows leaf so that it points to hole over dome]

Homer Simpson: But how am I supposed to get there?

[light shaft shines on motorcycle]

Homer Simpson: Oh!

[slips a dollar bill on a hole in the tree]

Homer Simpson: Here, buy yourself something nice.

Homer Simpson: Marge, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me."

[holds out hand]

Homer Simpson: And there's only one answer when somebody says that.

Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman here reporting on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music.

[graphic shows the domed Springfield on a styrofoam cup labeled "Trappuccino" as ominous music plays]

Kent Brockman: The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox.

[Kent's face droops]

Kent Brockman: Moment, please.

[clips skin on back of neck]

Kent Brockman: And, as always, we end our broadcast with news on the lighter side.

[the words "The Lighter Side" appear on the same small screen as the Trappuccino graphic did]

Kent Brockman: It's the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.

[cut to swallows crashing into dome, as hungry cats await below]

[first lines]

Scratchy: [having just landed on the Moon] We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere.

[Itchy impales and beats Scratchy with flag pole]

Martin: [walks up to bullies, picks up wooden board] I've been taking your crap all my life!

[beats the bullies in one swipe]

Dolph,Jimbo Jones,Kearney: Uggghh!

Martin: Whoo! This feels good! No wonder you do it.

[Moe sports a bathrobe and a traffic cone on his head]

Marge Simpson: Why are you dressed like that?

Moe: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the Emperor of Springfield.

Barney Gumble: No, you're not!

[throws Molotov cocktail at Moe]

Moe: Yes, I am!

[Moe throws it back and it explodes]

Barney Gumble: Okay. Hail Emperor.

Marge Simpson: Wait! There's something I have to get!

[Runs into house, unlocks "Keepsake Cabinet", grabs tape, washes dirty dish, and races out, mere steps ahead of fireball]

Homer Simpson: [Marge gets back into car] What'd you get?

Marge Simpson: Our wedding video.

Homer Simpson: We have a wedding video?

Lisa Simpson: Colin! Colin!

Milhouse: Lisa, Colin is dead.

[Lisa gasps]

Milhouse: His last words were,

[as Colin]

Milhouse: "Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand."

[realizes Colin is standing beside him]

Milhouse: Uh, I got her all warmed up for ya.

Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!

Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.

Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?

Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?

Cletus: [Flattered] Oh, you.

Marge Simpson: "Eepa." What does that mean?

Comic Book Guy: I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. "Eee-pa!"

Marge Simpson: Yeah. Thanks for coming over.

Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.

EPA Passenger: Look, we can't keep stopping at every "sop", "yeld", or "one vay" sign!

Marge Simpson: "A thousand eyes." What could that mean?

Grampa: Hmm. I'm pretty sure a thousand... is a number.

Billie Joe Armstrong: We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.

[all goes quiet, followed by angry shouts and hurled debris]

[watching the credits]

Bart Simpson: [to Homer] Come on, dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome on the town!

Grampa: [shouting from church floor] Twisted Tail... A thousand eyes... Trapped forever!

Dr. Nick: [after a piece of the dome has fallen and impaled him] Bye, everybody!

[dies]

Marge Simpson: [Springfield has just been encased in a glass dome] EPA! It's all come true.

Grampa: [about himself] That crazy old man in church was right.

Helen Lovejoy: [having a "Book Club" with women] Okay, let's discuss "Tuesdays with Morrie."

Cookie Kwan: Again? If we don't get a new book, I'm gonna puke.

Lindsey Naegle: You're the five people I'm going to meet in hell!

[throws a book at Helen, barely missing her, ending up going through the window instead]

Kent Brockman: [At Moe's Tavern, the bar patrons and Moe look at the television when the power goes out] Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...

Moe: [the lights come back on, all the booze has been stolen off the shelves and the patrons have disappeared] Okay, very funny. I'm gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was.

[switches light off, then turns it back and sees that all of his other necessities including his clothing have been looted. He's only in his underwear]

Moe: Yeah, okay. Okay...

Homer Simpson: [after having an epiphany] That was the most incredible experience of my life! And now, to find my family, save my town, and drop ten pounds!

Homer Simpson: I dunno what to tell you, Marge! I don't think about things. I respect people who do, but... I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next you again.

Ned Flanders: [surprised by the pink mutated multi-eyed squirrel] Well, this certainly seems odd, but, heh, who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine intelligent design! Good job!

Bart Simpson: [poking mutant squirrel's eyes] Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

Male EPA Worker: Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime!

Homer Simpson: [to Pig] Maybe *we* should kiss, just to break the tension.

Homer Simpson: [about the pig] Aw, you're gonna love him! Look, he does an impression of you!

[Homer pulls the pig's tail, causing it to bray like a donkey]

Homer Simpson: [laughing] You nailed her. He also does me.

[Homer squeezes the pig's stomach, causing it to burp; Marge giggles]

Homer Simpson: You smiled! I'm off the hook!

Homer Simpson: [talking to himself while trudging through the snow] Must keep going. Must keep going. No I can't! Yes, you can. No I can't. Yes you can. Oh, shut up! *You* shut up! No, you! No, you! Oh, real mature! Oh, what's the point?

[falls into the snow]

[Lisa and Colin are separated by the dome and are saying their good-byes]

Bart Simpson: [singing] Lisa's got a boyfriend, that she'll never see again!

[Lisa slugs him out]

[Homer and Bart are at a table. We see an interior shot of Homer's mouth as he eats. Bart is angry]

Homer Simpson: Hey, what's with you?

Bart Simpson: You really wanna know?

Homer Simpson: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about

[sees something]

Homer Simpson: a pig wearing a hat!

[Krusty the Clown is filming a commercial]

Director: Action!

Krusty the Clown: Hey hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!

[He laughs and then takes a bite of the sandwich]

Krusty the Clown: Mmm!

Director: And... we're clear.

[Krusty spits out the sandwich]

Krusty the Clown: Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.

[a saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror]

Homer Simpson: [gasps] What? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!

[the pig runs across to Homer, giving him a forlorn look. To the tune of 'Happy Together', Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field. He picks up the pig]

Homer Simpson: You're coming home with me.

Homer Simpson: [in a noose the angry mob set up] The word "apology" is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...

[Homer motions towards his heart, prompting someone to throw a buzzsaw at him]

Homer Simpson: D'OH!

Homer Simpson: [gets up to leave and stops in the aisle] Ooh, floor popcorn!

[picks a pile of popcorn up off the floor and begins to eat it]

Lisa Simpson: [Knocks on door] Hello, sorry to bother you on a Sunday , but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am...

[Door slams, Lisa knocks at the next house]

Lisa Simpson: Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than even...

[Door slams, Lisa knocks at the next door]

Sweet Old Lady: Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.

Lisa Simpson: Lake Springfield...

[Door slams]

Lisa Simpson: Oh.

[the Green Day barge is dissolving in polluted Lake Springfield]

Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.

Bart Simpson: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug-zapper to catch the fish.

Ned Flanders: [Bart is sitting up in the tree near Flanders' house] How 'bout I fix you some cocoa?

Bart Simpson: No way, cocoa's for wusses.

Ned Flanders: Well sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill!

[Flanders squirts whipped cream on top, places the mug on the windowsill, puts a wafer in the mug, shaves chocolate on top, squirts a dollop of whipped cream on top of the wafer, adds a marshmallow to the top, melts the mallow with a food torch, and walks away]

Bart Simpson: [Bart sneaks over to the windowsill, grabs the mug from the coaster, climbs down from the tree, goes over by the fence and takes a drink from the mug] Oh my god.

Bart Simpson: Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!

Homer Simpson: Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All of our dreams are coming true.

Carl: If someone distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.

Lenny: But who would be dumb enough to stay here while we escape with our lives?

Cletus: Ahem... My time to shine!

[after Itchy has killed Scratchy on the moon, returned home a hero and was elected President, he looks out the White House window]

Scratchy: Itchy... Itchy...

[Itchy grabs binoculars to see Scratchy's remains on the moon, holding a sign that says, "I'M TELLING."]

EPA Driver: There's something strange about that sop sign.

[Homer is seen driving to the EPA van in a wrecking ball crane to rescue his family, activates the wrecking ball to hit the van but barely touches it and makes a little tick of noise]

Bart Simpson: [gasps] What was that?

Lisa Simpson: Probably just a moth.

Marge Simpson: I hope it's okay.

[wrecking ball comes back to the crane and hits Homer, swinging him back to forth hitting a rock and a buliding called A Hard Place. Then the ball eventually stops swinging Homer and then drops him to the ground]

EPA Passenger: Look, we can't keep stopping at every sop, yeld or one vay sign. Just move along.

[drives away]

Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer sales man!

Homer Simpson: I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so bad that I've had to come up with a back-up plan. And that plan is right here!

[Pulls out wallet; takes out Monopoly "Get Out Of Jail Free" card]

Homer Simpson: No.

[Takes out photo of Michael Jordan with his face taped over it]

Homer Simpson: No.

[Takes out folded piece of paper]

Homer Simpson: Bingo!

[Unfolds paper; it takes a long time]

Homer Simpson: Bear with me.

[finally unfolds paper, a huge poster of Alaska with the tagline "A Fresh Start"]

Lisa Simpson: Alaska?

Homer Simpson: Alaska! Where you can't be too fat or too drunk. When no one says things like "Let's see your high school equivalency certificate."

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462538/quotes/qt0425021

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